| Chopped Liver Productions | Terror Level | ||
| PUMPED | |||
| I want to be in that number. | |||
| Internet News Satire Video Commentary |
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February 7 2010: I absolutely hate football. If you get me sufficiently riled up you might hear me accuse football of hastening the decline of civilized society. When I am able to force myself to watch a minute or two of an impenetrable football game, my abiding thought is, "This is really stupid." But this Super Bowl was different. When a city identifies so closely with its football franchise, and when a team's glory brings a shot in the arm the city needs so desperately, when the team is the underdog and still comes out decisively on top and brings cheer, pride, and hope to one of America's great cities, it's hard not to feel that lump in the throat. Go nuts, Nawlins. Have one hell of a party. You absolutely deserve it, and America cheers with you. I predict that in a day or two, after the pain subsides, even Indianapolis will be happy for you. |
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| Read our latest blog on the Daily Censored, "Wanted: New Public Service Messages" | ||
How Stupid Is He? I Guess Now We Know. February 2 2010: We already know about the infidelity and the "love child" but now -- you made a sex tape? John Edwards already had the lowest approval rating in the U.S. before this sordid news erupted. I guess he decided that wasn't low enough. The tape is allegedly in the hands of Andrew Young, and he says he has no intention of releasing it. I pray that is true because I definitely do NOT want to see it! I used to be a fan. I shook John Edwards' hand in 2004, when he was running for Vice President, and I was certain I had shaken the hand of someone who would one day be president. I joked that I would never wash that hand again. But I'm a germ freak, so of course I washed it right away. Boy, am I glad now that I did.
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| Prognostications. | ||||
| August 2010: | At a tense arms negotiation, Obama turns the drinking water into a hearty but delicate pinot noir. The resulting good cheer brings about a historic peace agreement. The world rejoices.
Republicans accuse Obama of alcoholism. |
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| December 2010: | While on vacation in Hawaii, Obama spots a surfer in the distance waving for help. Before his presidential detail can react, Obama sprints across the surface of the water and yanks the drowning man into his arms, administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation as he jogs back to shore on the ocean surface.
Republicans accuse Obama of homosexuality. |
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| April 2011: |
The Republicans accuse Obama of playing politics and demand to see the bill for the lunch. |
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| SEPARATED AT BIRTH? | |||
| Andre Bauer | and | Ebenezer Scrooge | |
"My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Because they breed. You’re facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce, especially ones that don’t think too much further than that.” |
"I don't make merry myself at Christmas and I can't afford to make idle people merry. I help to support the establishments I have mentioned: they cost enough: and those who are badly off must go there ... If they would rather die, they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population." |
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| South Carolina Lt. Governor Andre Bauer, up and coming Republican (2010) | Ebenezer Scrooge, heartless creation of Charles Dickens (1843) |
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January 22 2010: Panties are all a-bunch over the election of Republican Scott Brown to Teddy Kennedy's old Senate seat. Sure, it's the end of an era and marks the further decline of the human species and all, but what has the punditocracy worked into a lather is the fact that Brown's election takes away the Democrats' biggest advantage. Now the lefties quiver and the righties rejoice at the notion that Obama won't be able to take advantage of the Democratic super-majority in the Senate. It really makes no difference. Obama wasn't using his advantage anyway. |
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The Reverend Pat Robertson Explains It All To You. January 14 2010: Why Haiti? Why now? Only God knows ... and Pat Robertson. He'll tell us all why hundreds of thousands of utterly innocent people must suffer, die, and mourn. God reeeeeally knows how to hold a grudge.
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| P L E A S E |
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| Text 'HAITI' to 90999 to send $10 to the Red Cross. | ||||
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| Feel the need. Fight the greed. | ||||
January 20 2010: Imagine, if you will, if you can, imagine for a moment that you were the victim of an injustice. Let's say you were accused of a unspeakable crime you did not commit, and through a miscarriage of justice and in the wake of an unfair trial you were convicted. You ended up on Death Row. While you sit in your lonely cell contemplating your miserable fate, your life goes by. Your children grow up, get married, have children and grandchildren, while you are locked in a cell. Your only companions are poorly educated felons and the occasional friendly guard. How long would it take you to crack? How many years could you sit there, knowing you were wrongly convicted, wondering how your family was faring, before you ran out of things to think about and succumbed to madness? Could you make it nearly thirty years? Mumia Abu-Jamal has been in exactly that situation, on Death Row in Pennsylvania, since 1981. He was accused and convicted of killing a police officer. He says he didn't do it, and I believe him. I mention all this because yesterday the Supreme Court overturned a lower court ruling that Mumia deserved a new sentencing hearing. The noose hangs a bit lower over Mumia's head today. But when Mumia looks up, his focus rests on the state of the nation. Mumia has used his time in prison doing what he did before they locked him up: Committing journalism. Think you know what's going on in America and all over the world? I can guarantee you that Mumia, sitting there in a prison cell far from most news sources, is better informed than you are. For all his deprivations, he continues to watch and comment on world events. Granted, in doing research he has the gift of time -- but he does not put the gift to waste. I got to meet Mumia (here's the background on that sordid tale), and I know his mind never rests. On Death Row he taught himself to read and write French. Someday he might meet someone who can teach him how to pronounce it, and then he'll be fluent. He has also continued to keep abreast of and write eloquently about what he has seen from the vantage point of Death Row. Meanwhile, he fights to clear his name and shine a spotlight on the forces that brought him to this sad place. His activism, and his intellect, never rest. "Free Mumia" is a cry heard all over the globe. Whether or not Americans are paying the slightest attention, the rest of the world is closely watching Mumia's fate. Our nation's reputation hangs in the balance. |
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January 11 2010: Every time there's the hint of a possible terrorist threat, some people start looking for a place to bomb. So, when news came out that the underwear bomber (a Nigerian man who was radicalized in London) had undergone terrorist training in Yemen, certain politicians (i.e., Joe Lieberman and Pete Hoekstra) immediately went on TV to advocate a pre-emptive strike on that poor, confused country on the cusp between Africa and the Middle East. So, it begs the question. The 9/11 bombers took flight training in Florida. When is Joe Lieberman going to demand we start bombing Fort Lauderdale? |
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January 8 2010: Every day we learn a little more about the multiple security lapses that nearly led to disaster in the skies over Detroit last Christmas. And it just keeps getting more disconcerting. We already knew the father of the accused would-be terrorist had alerted authorities that he feared his son had drifted toward anti-American extremism and could pose a threat to our national security. We'd heard that there wasn't good communication between intelligence agencies. But the real knee in the groin came yesterday, when it came out that authorities finally DID connect the dots, realized a potential terrorist had obtained a U.S. tourist visa, and was on board a plane headed for Detroit -- and what did they say? "We'll have a chat with him when the plane lands." Not: "We should let the flight crew know about the risk." Not: "Have the pilot land early, and mess up whatever plans this guy might have in his head." Nope, just "we'll keep an eye on him upon arrival." Imagine being the poor schmuck sitting next to this guy on the plane. Your life is in the hands of agents who've decided to wait until the airplane lands to have a chat with the guy in the next seat. Fortunately, passengers on board the plane that day took control of the situation themselves. Good thing, too -- because it seems everybody else overseeing their security that day dropped the ball. |
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| DANGEROUS WASILLINESS: Sarah Palin Virtual Paper Dolls, Mad Libs With Sarah, and much more (July, November, December) | GOV. MARK SANFORD: Detailing his newly-revealed love life in three breathless renderings (June, July) | |||||||||
| TIANANMEN SQUARE: Our video memorial for the 20th anniversary of the 1989 massacre went viral in Hong Kong (June) | IRRATIONAL EXUBERANCE: Feelin' all groovy with Inauguration Fever (January) | |||||||||
| HOMEGROWN TERRORISM: Remembering the late Dr. George Tiller of Wichita (June) | IRRATIONAL INDEPENDENCE: That would be our ode to Joe Lieberman (November) | |||||||||
| HOMEGROWN LUNACY: Our ode to Rep. Michele Bachman (October) | THE SENATOR FROM MINNESOTA (July, at last): Hear future Sen. Al Franken talk about Chopped Liver Productions in 2005 | |||||||||
| QUIT YER BITCHIN' AND GRAB A MOP: Obama finally gets a little frustrated with partisan bickering (October) | HEALTH CARE "DEBATE": Democratic waffling, Republican tactics, political scheming and teabaggery (July, August, November) | |||||||||
Court of Appeals: Just Because You're Innocent Doesn't Mean You Can Sue Us For Jailing You. December 11 2009: Today's Oregonian offered up some disturbing news. Brandon Mayfield's suit against the Bush administration for persecuting his family and himself has been thrown out on a technicality. Read the whole sordid story here. The salient points are covered by our 2005 video, which you can watch by clicking here. |
![]() Terrorist or patriot? The Appeals Court has ruled that Brandon and Mona Mayfield "have no standing" to challenge the Patriot Act ... even after the FBI apologized for throwing Mayfield in jail for something he wouldn't have done in a bazillion years. |
Palin/Beck 2012!
November 19 2009: It's been floating in the national consciousness for at least a day now, and the world is giddy with glee. The Dream Team has stepped forward! The Palin/Beck ticket is the wave of the future indeed.
They already won in New York's 23rd District, didn't they? The Republican they didn't like pulled out of the election and purified the Republican Master Race. Sure, as an unintended consequence, the Democrat won in a traditionally Republican district, but in every war there are a few casualties. The Palin/Beck faction is building a strong, uber-unified army of true believers and purging anyone who crosses the ideological line.
Can't you see it? Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck are the cunning Pied Pipers who will gather all the rats and ... take care of the problem. The rats will cast themselves into the sea of obscurity. It's a win-win for America.
Chopped Liver Productions is proud to encourage this unique concept, so we're providing a handy bumper sticker for the true believers. Happy downloading, Palin faithful. Go out there and win one for the crazy people.
Medicare For All. OK, they've screamed and yelled and brandished their weapons and demanded that government keep its greasy mitts off their (government-run) Medicare. Yeah, they love their Medicare, don't they? Who wouldn't? You go see the doctor, get all the tests and treatment you need, the government covers the cost of everything and you never see a bill -- just like in every other civilized country. So let's stop the arguing and let them know we all want the same thing -- MEDICARE FOR EVERYBODY! Spread the word. Tell your friends. Tell your enemies. Tell the guy in the car behind you. Chopped Liver Productions is here to help! We've created simple signs in PDF form that you can download, print out and post on any appropriate (or inappropriate) surface. |
BUMPER STICKER |
This prints out at 6 inches wide and a hair over 2 inches high. It's designed as a bumper sticker. You can cut it out and post it in your car window or, if you wanna get really fancy, you can purchase bumper sticker stock at an office supply store and slap it on your car. CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE PDF (When the PDF loads in your browser, save it to your computer so you can print it out.) |
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WINDOW SIGN |
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CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE PDF (When the PDF loads in your browser, save it to your computer so you can print it out.) |
This is the cause of my life:
Sen. Edward M. Kennedy, 2008 |
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copyright 2010
Janice Leber, Chopped Liver Productions